rogeo - Seeing That Ex Lover

04:20 pm - Seeing That Ex Lover

Have you ever fallen for someone where you thought they were "the one"? Even if it was for a slight instance and then it did not work out. Even worse, have you ever fallen for someone who just ended up crushing you, and leaving you in a state of confusion and bitterness?

Well, why is it? that sometimes after having gone through so much turmoil and pain, that life keeps putting that person right in front of us, as if trying to mock our emotions.

My story is quite similar to many other women and men out there, a story of rejection, pain and just mere chaos. It was only a few years ago and yet everyday I can remember the feelings that I felt, and the memories that I experienced. I must say, it is not easy. It was hard enough to get over the person, especially since I had to see them everyday. Avoidance and ignoring them can work so much, but after awhile I was forced to interact and "talk" to them. Nothing is ever the same, but once you "move on" or think you have, why is it that life will just by some coincidence or maybe even on purpose put them right in front of you? and make you question yourself-Am I really over them? Is this a sign that it can work? Could there be a future for us? Could he love me back? and the questions go on, but at the end of these questions you go back to your old state of feeling confused and bitter. You end up feeling...chaotic. For the question still lies-Am I EVER going to get over them? or will they still keep popping into my life no matter how far I want to get away from them?

Some days can be good, the days where you feel-"Yes, I'm totally over them, I even like someone else", but other days, well, they feel quite awful- "Why, was I so stupid? Why did I fall for them in the first place? and why the hell can't I get over them?".

I personally spent the last year distancing myself from "this person". Yes, I talked to him less, we could have been friends but I would not let myself open up to him again-it would have caused too much pain. I even managed to be a safe distance away from him, enough to forget my feelings for him and start liking someone else. I was pleased in the last month when I realised every party I went to, he could never attend-to me it was a sign telling me "you never have to worry about him again". And then, in a split second, that changed. Yesterday, whilst walking down the road, I saw him, surrounded by girls, all delirious to be given attention by him. I would have normally pulled of a smile-sometimes pretending you are happy and "over it" can make you actually believe it yourself- but I did not, instead I froze and a big lump arose in my throat and I began questioning my feelings for him. He saw me after a while of staring at him, I waved the kind of wave the queen waves; very stone-like and forced. Then I walked away feeling ill by what had just happened which was a total of nothing in the physical world and yet everything had been stirred in my emotional being.

So this made me think after a long time, why is it that life curses us with images of people we wish to forget? and I think the answer is, because it knows it's going to stir us, move us and make us feel human again. It wants to prove to us that "hey, you are not an island after all, you are a person".

In that note, I think what life does is give us a chance to go and tell them, "that person", "the one" or "the person" you thought was "the one", that you did actually love them, and that they did actually crush you when they hurt you, or did not love you back or even just tricked you. Since sometimes it is good to spill it all out and yell and shout and tell them how you felt-no matter how much it kills your pride- because afterwards..maybe..just maybe.. you won't have to keep questioning yourself when you see them again.

Anoush Jebejian